The Emperor’s new mortgage
The plain-English version, for anyone who doesn’t speak lawyer.
A day out at the High Court
On 21 August 2025 I went to the High Court with my bundles of papers. The Co-operative Bank had already written down its version of my story, and we all know that if a bank writes something down, it must be true. I wanted my version on the record too.
I don’t get out much: about once every six weeks, if I’m honest. The train should have taken a little over an hour. I got on two wrong trains, so it took a bit longer.
Since my head injury in 2019 I often don’t recognise faces, which makes Ubers interesting. A driver pulls up, says “Hello Jon, how are you?”, and I haven’t a clue who he is. A lot of them know I don’t drive, but that I used to: I was a paramedic, working from a response car based at my home just south of Cambridge. They know the whole story because I’ve told them. Then I forget I’ve told them, and tell them again. I’m getting better at not doing that.
Going out makes me anxious, so on go the headphones to block out the noise.
I found the Royal Courts of Justice, and a High Court judge agreed to see me. It was all new, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Writing things down was very hard for me back then (it’s a bit easier now), which I told the Financial Ombudsman Service many times. They didn’t believe me. Talking is another matter. I have every detail in my head and I can talk for hours. I would have done, too, but the judge had other cases to hear. So I handed in my bundles and my witness statement, had about half an hour in court, and my work was done.
The Emperor’s new clothes
The Bank’s legal department was not happy. I was very happy. It need not have come to this, they barked at me. (All right, I’m imagining the barking. It was an email.) I had done the one thing you’re not allowed to do: I’d pointed out that the Emperor had no clothes on. In my statement I said I thought the Bank might have known I didn’t owe it the money it was chasing me for.
The Bank was fuming. I was smiling. And from then on, things got worse.
Read on: the rest of the story →